This is the beginning

I’ve thought that every day this week. “This is the beginning.” It feels like a new beginning. I don’t know why. I turned 26 and it’s like I hit a switch. I’m not suddenly responsible, but I find myself making better choices. For example, today I made enchiladas for dinner. They were not my mom’s, but they were tasty and I had already bought most of the ingredients for them (which is always a win). I’m about to go make sugar cookies.

I’ve also accomplished ALL THE THINGS (thank you, Hyperbole and a Half, for creating this idea for us). Largely due to my bullet journal. I am a freakishly productive person now.

Okay, maybe not freakishly productive. I am not naturally efficient. And yes, there are people out there who take to productivity like a duck to water. They manage to get 12 impossible things done before breakfast. One of them is in my best friend circle. I’m pretty sure Andie get 15 impossible things done before breakfast. I’m struggling to get my journal writing done before I eat in the morning, but that’s more than last month, so I’m rocking it.

I have written things, beautiful things, that people have read and enjoyed. I’m so grateful that I have resonated with at least a few people. I am also surprised, because I suffer from cripplingly low self-esteem. But I’m working on that.

I have made some definite decisions about my life. They resulted in a paradigm shift for me. I am living life here the best that I can, and I have no regrets.

I don’t know. I think that moving to Shanghai might be the best thing that’s happened to me so far. I’m far from people I love, but this city is a land of firsts for me. And my heart feels so big and I have so many people that I love here. And we’re all leaving in the next 8 months or so, but it doesn’t matter. They changed me. I’d like to believe that I changed them. I know more about love than I did before. I know more about cooking. I know more about work.

I can teach people things. I can make a difference. I’m a conduit. It’s a relief and an honor.

This isn’t an end. It’s not even a middle. Every day is a beginning. It’s a start for something extraordinary. It’s an adventure.

It’s Anne of Green Gables and Brianna and Up all rolled into one motivational package. It’s the sunrise while journaling. It’s Genesis 15:1 rolling around my head every day since last week. It’s bravery and cunning and honesty and forgiveness. It’s re-writing my brain to remember that I’m not this awkward unfortunate girl that I’ve tricked myself into believing I am. I am confident and unique and loving and creative. It’s playing in the waterfall without anyone else because I want to be who I am without critique.

One of my favorite series in high school was Tamora Pierce’s The Song of the Lioness quartet. I always loved how the last page of the first book didn’t say THE END. It said THE BEGINNING. It was just the start of Alanna’s story. This day was the beginning of mine.

I’m officially rambling, but I had a lot of words left today. #sorrynotsorry for not making sense.


One thought on “This is the beginning

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s