This post has been on my mind for a while, ever since my mom started talking about blogging herself (for the third time, she keeps starting and stopping). Why am I here, occupying this internet space? Why do I write what I write? What if I stuck to one topic, instead of sporadically posting whatever was on my mind?
Studies show that the way to become successful at blogging is to keep to one general subject. So entertainment, or spiritual matters, or parenting. That sort of thing. I write a bit of this and that (though I have never written about parenting, because seriously, what would I know?). I’ve always known that I wasn’t going to become internet famous this way. I started another blog to write about more serious stuff so I could focus this one on my obsessions (books, movies, actors, werewolves, etc), but that didn’t work so well. It was easier and better for me to combine it all together in one place.
I can’t be serious all the time. I can’t be vulnerable all the time. Sometimes I need to pretend like everything is okay and I can just go on living my life. Sometimes werewolves figuratively take over and I have to express my love and devotion. Sometimes Korean dramas literally take over my life and I can’t stop talking about them (to the point where my BFF asks if I’m drunk because I go on and on and on and on). And sometimes my heart overflows with all the emotions and I have to express them.
This is my safe space. This is where I can write it all and hear the support from friends and family. I know it’s not conventional. I know it can be irritating. I know it’s not all quality. Most of the time I’m writing at 3 AM or have five minutes between classes. In the past month, this has been the only writing that has happened in my life. I haven’t journaled. I haven’t written Raina. I haven’t scribbled book ideas in random notebooks. I’ve written a few posts here and that’s it. This blog is my anchor to writing. That’s its purpose.
Once I realized that, I felt I could breathe. The pressure is off. I don’t have to perform well. I don’t have to write anything prosaic. I just have to write. And it’s such a beautiful thing.