So I’m late. Sorry. But I have something to write now…
I had an embarrassing/uncomfortable interaction with a person here. Let’s call him Adam. Adam and I have only met in person twice and I didn’t have a very good first impression of him. I wanted to see if he’d be a nice person and good friend though because I’ve been known to judge people very quickly.
We exchanged wechat information the second time we met face-to-face and he immediately began to talk to me through that medium. The next night he sent me a longish message that indicated (though did not actually express) that he liked me in a more-than-friendly manner. And I, like a moron, basically told him that I wasn’t interested in anything romantic. His response was something like, “Dude. No.” He wasn’t interested either. I was embarrassed, but relieved and willing to continue to get to know him as a person despite my snafu (side note: snafu is a totally underused word).
However, the next day he started calling things like “sunshine” and “beautiful”. This indicated a level of friendship that we don’t have. And now I’m uncomfortable. I don’t know if it’s just me. I don’t know if I messed it all up and now my embarrassment is manifesting itself in new ways, but I’m getting the impression that I should have followed my gut and kept my distance. I wouldn’t feel awkward about changing plans then. I’m doing the socially ungraceful thing and backing out of plans we made because I’m really uncomfortable. I don’t know if that’s bad or good, but I decided to just go with how I feel for now.
If you don’t feel okay around someone alone then don’t be around that person. They could be really nice. They could be your new best friend, just waiting to happen, but until you feel normal about the situation, you won’t ever get to find out. Every time I talk to Adam, I’m on edge and I really couldn’t say exactly why, except I don’t know him. I was really honest about it tonight, because he asked. And I feel bad, but I told the truth. I guess I wrote this post, knowing that no one reads this blog but Rachel and my parents (Marissa doesn’t have time anymore and everyone else doesn’t know me personally), because I need to work how I feel. I still don’t know, but I’m more at ease with my decision to tell him I wasn’t comfortable.
If you are one of those people that act like you’ve known someone forever when you’ve only just met them, reconsider. Sometimes it comes off as creepy. And if I’ve done that to you, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be creepy. Sometimes I just feel like I click with someone. Maybe he thought he clicked with me. I don’t know. I just know that I’m going to pay more attention to how a situation makes me feel. My feelings are valid and I just work myself up to a dither if I ignore them.