Every time I move I am tempted to reinvent myself. In a place where no one knows me, I can be whoever I want, right? In the past, my moves have been made with family or friends who knew me before and it’s a little sticky when there are too many people who can see you acting out of character. I managed to do it in Virginia. I was still myself, of course, but I found myself wandering into places I wouldn’t have normally and listening to things that used to make my ears bleed. And I loved it. That was a little different than this move.
Here, I can be an entirely new person. Emily is the only one who knows me and I know she won’t judge. I don’t know when I decided to stray from my norm, but I did. I was more confident, more outgoing. Less me. Less books, less whimsy.
I don’t know if I like it. I liked it for a while. But all novelty fades and I miss myself. Is it worth it? To change a foundational element about me, to be someone I’ve sort of always wanted to be? I don’t think so. I think I want to be just me.