So Armchair BEA ended a week ago, and I still haven’t written a wrap-up post…whoops. The truth is it’s exhausting trying to meet people on the internet. I got super tired of exerting myself so much and so I stopped. I know that it doesn’t seem difficult to write a whole bunch of posts and converse with all the online people, but when you’re working as well and trying to pull your life together, it can get tiring.
I did discover some things about myself during Armchair BEA and it was good to figure it out. The first was that I no longer really care about how many people view my blog. One of the first days of ABEA I got something like 65 views and it was outrageous. I freaked out a little, because if I get 20 views in a day that’s typically a lot for me. It got me thinking about why I blog. And I realized it has little to do with who reads me now. I think I cared a lot when I started. And sometimes I care about my friends reading it. I want them to because I have opinions about stuff and they should care about those. But being a top blogger with a huge following doesn’t really interest me anymore. I like writing for myself and for my friends and family. And occasionally other people read it and that’s cool too. I’m really happy with my small amount of views though.
It’s like what Meg Ryan says in You’ve Got Mail:
Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life – well, valuable, but small – and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around? I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.
I think that when I write, I just want to send my thoughts and feelings out into the void.
It’s a new thing for me and I like it.
Good day, dear void.