An Elopement

Not mine, but one of my characters. I thought I’d treat you to the scene where Rosa decides to elope with her One True Love, who isn’t everything he seems to be. Let me know what you think!

Rosa smiled as she tiptoed through the dark hallways. When she reached the outer door, she glanced around warily before slowly pushing it open. She slipped through the small opening and ran toward a the stables. She walked all the way around the large outbuildings to a small barn at the edge of the property. The door was propped open. She entered the darkness hesitantly.

“Damien?” she whispered.

“What took you so long?’ he drawled.

“Leyla wanted to speak to me and it took me a while to…extricate myself.”

“Well, it took you forever. What did she want?”

“She wanted me to take charge of the menu for the ball in two months.”

“You didn’t agree to anything?” he growled and strode out of the darkness.

“No, of course not!” she protested. “I knew that you wouldn’t approve. So I told her that I’d think about it.”


“They don’t understand what I have with you.” Rosa scowled. “Leyla doesn’t approve at all. But…well…I’ve been thinking.”

“What? Spit it out Rosa, you know I don’t like it when you trail off like that.”

She did. She tried not to smile. He had told her that he liked decisiveness in his women, and that was one of his pet peeves.

“We should just run and get married.”


“We should elope.” She couldn’t see his expression; his face was in shadows.

“What about your family, your father?”

“The king won’t notice. And if he does it’ll be because Leyla says something,” she said. “And he’ll feel guilty which means that, if I ask for it, he’ll send my dowry.”

A sly smile flickered across Damien’s face. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Rosa beamed at him. “They won’t think I’m serious until I’m married.”

“Then we’ll get married.”

He grabbed her up and whirled her around as she squealed in delight.

“Put me down!” She laughed.

“When should we leave?” He asked, breathless.

“Today. Tonight. Now.” She leaned in, but he pulled back from her.

“Let me go pack, my lady. You should do the same. I’ll meet you back here in an hour.” He bowed with a flourish and a wink and strode out.

She sighed and hurried to follow.

So…they’re getting married. None of you have any context, but let me know what you think is missing or problematic about this part.


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