Yes, everyone. It is November 16th. So I’m over halfway through this crazy endevour of writing a novel. I’ve been randomly keeping a video journal of it which I’m toying with posting for all you faithful readers, so stay tuned and you may see me making a complete fool of myself. Today, at least right now, I’m not posting anything because it’s all really horrible. But I wanted to say that I am absolutely floored that I got this far. It galls me that I’m thousands of words behind though.
I know why I’m behind. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of actually finishing something. The only thing I’ve ever finished is my play. Which was absolutely ridiculous. I don’t know what to do with it now. If I finish a novel I’ll have to edit it and then…send it in for publication *said in low dramatic voice* I can’t do that! I’m not ready! I’m not ready to finish anything! What if…I can’t even go on. I just can’t imagine finishing a work of mine. It terrifies me. And I’m going to have to just move on.
Winston Churchill once said, “Succes is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.” I am going to have to find that courage and just keep going. The act of putting words on a page has an effect that we can’t understand. Because books, the written word, transcends time. People years from now might read this blog post. Probably not, because I’m just an amateur. But if I finish this book and get it published, who knows? This is my dream.
I think that another reason I’m scared is because I’m not sure that I’m conveying what I want to. I don’t want to write another fluffy novel that people read and then walk away from without gaining a thing. I want to write something that matters. I want to be the next Lewis/Tolkien. I don’t think anyone will forget what they wrote. I don’t think that people will ever stop analyzing what they wrote. I want to make that kind of influence. Which is why I decided to go on to get my Masters…and hopefully my PhD. *shakes nervously* Yeah…it’s a terrifying prospect.
Well, now that I’ve gotten all weird on y’all, I’m off. There are things to be done, words to write, and characters to flush out. Till next time!